THE OTHER SIDE OF HEARTBREAK

My Friday dinners have thus far turned into ministry time with budding pastors! Over the last several months, at least, I would leave the office Friday evening at 7 and meet up with these budding pastors.

I love human dynamics-- relationships, romance, emotions, spirituality, etc. From last night's dinner, two different but related emotions showed up and it's fascinating for a third person observer like me to hear stories about what they're going through, and how I am able to relate with them and somehow say "been there, done that." In a way, it becomes for me what may be a faint picture of Hebrews 12:1-- becoming a part of "a great cloud of witnesses" cheering on people who are going through some of the stuff I and many others have been through.

One of the many things that characterize a Bible college student's life- or any Christian for that matter- is heartbreak.

There is something to the claim that our true character is formed in the face of adversity or heartbreak.

It was in Bible college when I reached some of the most excruciating breaking points in my life. It was difficult to see God's hands at work in my life during those breaking points.

So I read, adversity comes to us early. As babes we emerge from our mother’s womb into a cold, bright, unknown world. Later we are left to sleep alone in our crib (and honestly I’m not sure for whom that experience is more traumatic - the screaming child who feels abandoned and afraid. Then the toy breaks, and so on. Before you know it you’re in high school experience different kinds of rejection, and let’s face it - that’s just never a good scenario. Then we don’t get into our first choice college; the love of our life marries someone else; we get sick; someone we love dies. Building character, that's the other side of heartbreak. [1]

And we shouldn’t make light of heartaches, for every ache feels fatal regardless of whether it is or not. A broken toy hurts a child just as much as a break up hurts a young adult. A broken heart at any age means that the center of life is shattered, or at least that’s how it feels at the time. But experience teaches us that we are far more resilient than we might initially believe.

Then the process of comprehension and acceptance kicks in, often leading to another painful truth. We are who we are not because of what life has thrown our way; rather, we are who we are by the various decisions we made: this job, that relationship, this conversation, that choice, that girl, that man, etc. If we had made opposite decisions, or even just different decisions, we would have ended up a different person. We are who are because of what we’ve chosen, and often our choices have led to heartbreak. But heartbreak has a potentially positive effect. By the grace of God we can accept heartbreak as a window into our soul, and as the opportunity to expand our life possibilities - the chance to engage different gifts and different challenges in a different manner than before. [2]

As believers, we cannot help but realize and accept that God is over-all sovereign. Nothing happens to us that is a surprise to Him. He knows. On the other side of heartbreak is that God intends for us to wait on Him and be given new strength- soar with wings as eagles, to run and not be weary, to walk and to toil, broken for sure, but not defeated, not faint, not weary.

Where are you broken? Where are you feeling defeated or faint or weary or afraid? Friends, today an invitation is being extended - an invitation to let Jesus heal you. Today you are invited to let Jesus silence your demons, heal your wounded-ness, and give you back a life that is broken and yet whole. That is the promise, and although it will look different for each one of us, the promise is the same. Will you trust that? Will you be strong and vulnerable enough to open yourself to the possibility of being made whole?

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1 The Rev. JavierViera, CCNYC 020809

2 Excerpted from James A. Harnish, FaithMatters: Great Gifts from Difficult Times, January 22, 2009.

YOU CHANGED MY LIFE (NOT A REVIEW)

Just a quick note before I head to my class.

Last night after the midweek service, I went and saw a Tagalog movie and felt very "high schoolly" again! Although the story revolved around two young adults, the giddiness it generates is quite teenie! Throughout the original Filipino movie-loving-young adult-filled cinema, there was palpable excitement with the many sighs and "eeeeks" and "ahhh".

It was a fun and funny movie, aside of course from the fact that the main female character in the flick goes to GCF regularly-- when she's not very busy, either in our Tagalog Worship or the English Vespers-- and although, I really haven't had the chance to meet with her other than shake her hand as well as her family members' no longer than two minutes she still is a part of our worshipping community. I don't get star-struck when I see celebrities, I guess that's a gift, but it sure feels great to see a movie in which someone I also see in church plays a major role! But I wish I could invite her to sing in our worship services once in a while.

Although I am not a huge fan of Tagalog movies- and that doesn't mean I am not patriotic enough; I'm just picky, I guess- it's something I would endorse for people to watch. It's clean enough with a lot of good strong messages on family values, hard-work, and purity, with lots of humorous cliches and witty quips!

OK, so I'm off to teach....ciao!

THE BACHELOR

Athletes exercise self-control in all things – unless they don’t. We well know that in principle, generally speaking, in order to win the race, self-control accompanied by hard training are required.

Record-breaking swimmer Michael Phelps modeled that behavior to a fare-thee-well in order to win all his Olympic gold medals, until this last week when he employed the young and stupid defense for being caught toking a pipe and losing a large commercial endorsement. Now Michael is in fact young and at least in that circumstance, stupid as well, considering that undisciplined moment cost him millions of dollars. While Michael’s athletic accomplishment remains undiminished he's got a bad record to go with all of it.

It's hard to do it. Even athletes struggle with it, how much more "mere mortals" like most of us are would.

After an hour-and-a-half walk & jog combination yesterday and shedding ounce-after-ounce of perspiration, I lost control of myself and had a pancake/sausage meal at McDonald's! As I ate my meal, I was haunted by my own crazy imagination- drops of sweat I shed coming again together and forming into a giant blob wanting to devour me! I finished my meal with a greater resolve to watch what I eat! Last night as I spent time with some seminary students at Krispy Kreme, all I had was a small cup of coffee!

I jog each morning not merely to look good, but to feel better. No one can ever question the health benefits of regular exercise. Fitness and Wellness have become a multi-billion dollar industry capitalizing on people who are more concerned with looking like "gods" than feeling real good. Looking good is the trophy!

As I read a passage from Paul's first letter to the Corinthians (9:24-26), I saw that Paul is after something other than any of the world’s laurel wreaths. He asks, why waste your effort on the perishable while neglecting the imperishable? Why punish yourself with self-control and hard training for things that are at best of second, third or fourth tier value? How hard do you train for what finally matters in life?

What have you achieved? What can you boast of accomplishing? Do they really matter in life? Education, monies, possessions, and titles-- are they all that matter in life?

It's interesting to note that the word bachelor comes from the Latin baccalurei which means, a recipient of praise of laurel. The Greeks, unlike the Romans, never waged wars with the aim of occupying and enslaving neighbouring countries or winning crowns. Greeks are into the Sport tradition, the laurel wreath had a lot of weight for the politicians. Graduates and poets received wreaths of laurel, a symbol of praise and scholarship. For the reason that Apollo been the god of poetry, his emblem, that of victory and clemency, became the favourite of the poets, and hence of scholars, so that successful graduates of universities or other learned married men became known as laureates, (or, baccalaurei for unmarried learned men).

Paul devoted his life to proclaiming that no matter your current condition, whether you’re in good shape or bad, whether or not you’ve spent out your life on secondary matters or even lost your way entirely, you can begin again. And more, you are loved. And even more, you are God’s beloved; and still more, God can do for you what you cannot do for yourself. The dynamic grace of God is active all the time, prodding, pushing, pulling you into your own better self whether you know it or not.

While God loves us and will do for us things that are impossible for us to do on our own, it does not mean we will not have to endure the pains of self control. Any form of discipline requires subjecting oneself to many rigors. The phrase “No pain, no gain” cliché is so true to self-control. As Paul said 2000 years ago, “I do not run aimlessly, nor do I box as though beating the air; but I punish my body and enslave it…”

For me this means taking charge of your spiritual growth! Progress on your spiritual journey is the product of sometimes saying "no" to and abstaining from things and activities that are binding to the will, which can be in some cases agonizing to the soul and the body. But we are not without help from His Spirit-- His grace. The goal of His grace is to make us like His Son, Jesus.

Again, Paul wrote, “Athletes exercise self-control in all things; they do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable one.” A closer modern translation of the original Greek here would be more like, “If these athletes push themselves to the limit in training to win that pathetic crown of withered vegetables, how much more should we maintain self-discipline for the sake of an imperishable crown?”

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Readings and Bases:

- Tom Peters, The Pursuit of WOW!, Vintage, 1984.
- Richard B. Hayes quoted by Michael Rogness in Lectionary Commentary, The Second Readings, 2001, Eerdmans.

- Scott Bauman, Christ Church UMC NYC

A QUIET PARTY

A slacker. I have been a slacker the last couple of months in my blogging! I used to write something almost every day in the past. But for some reason, I had been slacking. People have been sending me personal messages asking me why I don't write as much as before. I must admit, I have allowed for quite a number of experiences over the last several weeks that are worth blogging which I failed to write about.

Well, for one I have been learning a lot about the ancient art and science of quietness/silence.

An American lady walked into the room where some of the Bible college staff were having breakfast. She walkeds to the buffet table, scooped some rice, corned beef hash and scrambled eggs. She walked to the table across ours and asked, "What is this?" Jule, Bible college staffer answered, "Corned bits and potatoes!" With a puzzled look on the lady's face obviously trying to figure out what Jule meant I realized she needed more information. Good thing Jule realized she made a mistake and corrected herself right away: ""Corned Beef." The lady smiled and said, "This wouldn't be a typical Filipino breakfast, would it?" I answered, "No. Traditionally, Filipinos eat pan de sal (which is a simple kind of bread) and coffee to go with it; or dried fish and fried rice." She smiled at me and asked, "And where did you get your American accent?" "Oh, do I sound and speak like an American?" I asked.She answered, "Oh, yes you do.You certainly don't sound like anyone I've spoken with here in the Philippines!"

And that's how I met Nancy Irving, the General Secretary of the London-based Friends World Committee for Consultation, an organization that seeks to encourage fellowship among all the branches of the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers). Quakers are known for their love for and strong emphasis on listening to God in silence. In her devotional time in a recent retreat speaking on the Lord's Prayer, she led the congregation to a time of silent worship and listening to God.

Allison Siewert, worship leader and a known writer on the subject of worship leadership in the book Worship Team Handbook (which I read a couple of years ago) referred to worship as "God's party." I totally agree. It is His celebration- all that's said and done in worship is geared towards the recognition of who He is and what He's done. When we associate praise and worship with joyful noise and exhuberant music, nothing else comes close to such description other than a party. But silence? While silence in worship is not foreign to me, as a Baptist of the "contemporary worship" tribe, silence in worship is something most of my co-tribesmen isn't used to. In fact, we're afraid of silence. We call it "dead air." We loathe dead air in worship.But being led to a time of silence and listening was a rather refreshing time for me. You see, prior to the retreat, I was sick with flu (and am still recovering from it's effects) and thus, a majority of the days preceding that retreat were spent at home alone in silence which somehow prepared me for such.

I must admit, even my supposed "quiet times" with the Lord are noisy. Sometimes I do a lot of the talking and spend very little time listening. Even when I write my thoughts on my journal my mind races amidst noise in my head.

An hour ago I was reading the latest LEADERSHIP Journal in the library where there is an article by Bethel Seminary professor Chris Armstrong about Gregory the Great which included a section on the value of being a contemplative Christian in a post-modern, noisy world. Gregory wrote, "...turn away from distractions of knowing about things to the serious, even frightening task of reflection on the inner self."

It's interesting to note that quietness is a missing jewel in the larger evangelical community. It has to be rediscovered. Nowadays, we get scared of silence since a lot of times we associate it with loneliness, the dark, depression, or the lack of emotional and physical engagement. Imagine entering an old museum with an average level of excitement, within minutes you become awed by the sheer age, beauty, glory of the museum items. You discover later, after you’ve made your way back out that there have been people who have walked before you, and in a sense you are haunted with solemn counterpoint bringing necessary depth and breadth to understanding of your human experience.

While I do not intend to convert to Quakerism anytime, I know that Jesus valued what these people valued. He often withdrew to quiet places to be alone, listening, communing with the Father. Can that state of silent communion with the Spirit of God be achieved even in the middle of five thousand people gathered in worship? I think so.

A WEEK'S MEMOIRS (on getting sick and Sunday worship)

Early Monday morning I tried to finalize the worship song selection for Sunday (today, 020809) after spending some time praying and reading Acts 16:22-40 which is the basis for the sermon by the Senior Pastor.

Tuesday night around 10PM, after dinner and coffee with one of my students in worship studies class together with the Bible college chaplain, I sat on my bed with my Bible opened to the same passage, and felt I needed to revise my worship song selection. I did. I was excited with how the Lord impressed upon me which songs to choose and somewhat do away with the one I prepared earlier. I went to bed around 1AM, with my throat beginning to feel a bit hoarse.

Wednesday morning, I woke up with clogged nose and a speaking voice like Yoda's. The cold virus has incubated through the night. I still had enough strength to jog and walk, but I exhausted my energy that morning so I struggled to go to the office. At work, I gave 'orders' for the songs to be put on slides and sheet music to be prepared for Saturday reharsals. I have prepared some songs earlier for Midweek service, but as the day progressed, I was beginning to lose my voice. Before evening fell fever has also set in. I asked for someone else to lead worship in our Midweek service. On my way home, I stopped by the drugstore to get myself some meds hoping I wouldn't collapse or anything. After I eaten dinner at the mall I asked a relative to pick me up and bring me home. Too busy and only able to be done with commitments after 9, I was advised to rest in the cinema! I chose the film Doubt and slept through it. I hoped to get well before Saturday as I had to sing at a wedding, and lead worship on Sunday, attend my godchild, Ethan's birthday, and facilitate the Boys Talk at FBC's retreat.

I again struggled to rise and be at Faith Bible College to teach- it was submission day of a major paper so I had to be there. and receive papers. After the last of the papers done that day, I went home and arrived severely sick ending up calling someone else to help lead Sunday's worship. Tita Boots of 4Word was so helpful in troubleshooting and damage control in the worship ministry caused by my sudden sickness. I rested all day Thirsday and Friday, and Saturday and today!

Fever broke late in the afternoon yesterday as I listened to classical sacred music while reading Twilight which was lent to me by one of ministry assistants at church, Minneli.

I'm feeling a lot better than I did the past couple of days. My voice is still hoarse, I still have some occasional headaches and struggling with cold. But I'm recuperating, thank God and those who consistently prayed for me over the last several days.

This morning, I got word that worship in church was absolutely amazing with a beautiful sense of God's presence by the people. I received text messages and calls about it. Migs Orleans, Cindy Camungao and 4Word are eing used by God to minister to His people's hearts through worship leadership and ultimately glorifying His name through all that's happened.

The Lord has given, the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

GETTING HIGH!

Earlier, feeling really sick and realizing I'm out of medicines, I forced myself to stand and go to the nearest drugstore three blocks away to get some. I kept praying that God would sustain me as I walked to and from the store. He did. He even supplied the strength for me to get some breakfast, and canned chicken soup for later.

Now I'm in bed with computer on my lap, trying to get some rest. I hate getting sick, especially flu- drowsy, nauseus, cold. In my whole life, I've never once tried alcohol or drugs, but I guess I now know how it's like to feel having had some-- the funny and weird feeling, the normal yet strange effect of the meds I'm taking!

As I tried to browse for some youtube videos on flu, first-aid and medicines, I stumbled upon this video from Travis' facebook page of a father videotaping his son's reaction to medicines after a visit to the dentist. This video is hilarious!

Benny Lavas writes: This is my 7 year old son who had an extra tooth removed last summer, 2008. I had the camera because he was so nervous before I wanted him to see before and after.

He was so out of it after, I had to carry him out of the office. The staff was laughing and I had tears it was so funny.

He is doing fine now and the teeth are great.

Best of all he is the best kid as his brother William. I couldnt have asked for two better sons!

TWO PARALYTICS BY THE SAME POOL

Every Monday morning throughout my early gradeschool days I developed the habit of retelling stories I heard from Sunday School to my wide-eyed classmates who were always eager to hear what I had to share.

There are stories I remember from my early Sunday School days that never cease to fascinate me, especially those that contained anything supernatural- Moses and the parting of the Red Sea, Jesus feeding the five thousand, Elijah and the widow's "bottomless" oil and flour, Jesus rising from the dead.

One story that stands out is the healing of the paralytic at the Pool of Bethesda in John 5! Before it was destroyed in 70AD by the legions of the Roman general Titus, the pool of Bethesda was located on the eastern side of the city near the Fortress of Antonia. Bethesda means "house of mercy." The water source was a nearby spring. According to the Bible there was a local tradition that an angel moved the waters at certain times and anyone who jumped into it while it is angelically stirred was healed.

A paralytic man layed beside the pool for 38 long years. Since he was a paralytic, he couldn't get into the pool when the water is believed to be stirred by the angel. And so, the paralytic pitifully spent 38 years of his life lying at that poolside and perhaps seen hundreds of people get healed! Jesus came, spoke to the man and with just spoke the following words (verse 8) "Get up! Pick up your mat and walk!" Immediately, he rose, picked up his bed and walked. Can you just imagine how that site could overwhelm anyone?

Jesus heals. If he can heal then, he can heal now- according to God's will. There are prayers that get answered, there are prayers that don't. It's all in God's hands, but He supplies the grace people need!

A couple of thousand years later, Joni Eareckson Tada was a teenager when in a diving accident in 1967 suffered an injury that has left her a quadriplegic since. In her despair and self pity, she prayed that God would take her life and cease her agony. As a Christian, she was tempted to and gave into going to every faith healing crusade. A Faith Healing evangelist encouraged her to claim for herself John5 and believe that one day she'll be well. That didn't do anything other that to devastate her all the more! Did she lack the faith that could make her walk again? Does God really love her? But her handicap provided way for her to be a witness to God's grace and goodness despite her limitations.

At the Moody Founders Week sometime ago, she shared a moving story.

In 2005- 38 years since her accident, she visited Israel and was wheeled into what used to be the location of the famous Pool of Bethesda. As she observed the area and recalled the Bible story, all she was able to say was, "...when I looked at that pool, I thanked God that He had not heal me in those 38 years because of all the grace and all the ministry that He gave me as a result of my infirmity."1

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Incidentally, when I began typing this, I was all bundled up. I had come home from the Church Office with fever and was chilling. I had to ask somebody else to lead the singing in our Midweek Service because my throat is sore. It still is. I still have diffculty breathing due to cold, but the fever is gone!

No question that, while walking the earth, Jesus was known as a wonderful healer. In all of the current squabbles among scholars concerning the real identity and character of the historical Jesus, most agree that, in his day, he was widely known and highly regarded as a healer. Well, He is God-Man and, his healing often functioned in a seemingly subversive manner given that his reach touched the least, the last, and the lost. He was indiscriminate in who he might heal, or who he might forgive for that matter. Often, it was the outcast- an amazing picture of grace- Christ extending healing to anyone who needed/needs it!

Pray for me. I need to get well soon and regain my speaking and singing voice- I have a wedding to be at on Saturday, a birthday dinner on Friday, worship leading on Sunday, and a retreat to be at on Monday! Or God could be saying, "Slow Down! Take a Sabbath!"

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1 Dr Erwin Lutzer, When the Answer is Denied, Moody Memorial Church 020109