Let me begin by saying: Pray for your pastors.
With great joy in our hearts, my family came home on February 21 from the hospital having seen my niece Hannah born just the day before for the very first time. I was about 10 when I sat with my dad and mom in our old living room to watch the news, and to our great surprise we saw the Rev. Jimmy Swaggart making his internationally televised tearful confession. His confession was generic, "I have sinned against you my, Lord." I turned to my dad and asked, "Who hasn't?" Then with a rather annoyed "Shhh!" (hush) from my dad, the news continued with a report linking him to an admitted prostitute. He stood, turned the TV off without the intent of ending the news program. Dad was heartbroken. He had a collection of Swaggart's preaching and music tapes. He said, "Tan, go to bed." With their heads low and eyes filled with tears, my parents walked into their bedroom and shut the door.
Eight years earlier when we moved into town and after about two months since my dad started a church, the neighbors nicknamed my dad, "Swaggart Humbard" after the two most popular televangelists those days. My family was well-respected for our very good neighborly ways. My dad's reputation as the "beacon" of Bible truth and gospel preaching grew famous even among the Catholic majority of the town. He'd been called many times to do exorcisms and public prayers by some of the staunchest of Catholics! And while my family was far from perfect, it was respected.
The Swaggart fall and public admission of guilt however changed the people's attitude towards my family, the church and our members albeit our town stood halfway around the world from Baton Rouge's Family Worship Center where Swaggart was pastor. Add to that the fact we were Baptists, he was Assembly of God. But for the people in our community, we all looked the same and belonged to one flock called, "phonies"!
In our English class, we were always asked to "report" the news of the day at the beginning of each class. And what could be the biggest news that day other than Swaggart. I remember my teacher Mrs. Diaz asked me, "Jonathan, what can you say about Swaggart's confession?" As a young kid, I didn't know what to say other than, "Ma'am, if he meant telling God 'sorry', God would forgive him." And guess what I got from the class? Nothing but a loud "Boo"! Mrs. Diaz was evangelical but she did not stand behind me like I expected which broke my heart. I remember wondering whether or not Mrs. Diaz, Jimmy Swaggart and everyone else who identified himself or herself as evangelical including my dad were all alike, phonies- claiming to believe one thing and does another. It was a time when I nearly "lost" my faith and give up on the church. I was 10!
There is something to the claim that our true character is formed in the face of adversity or heartbreak. My young mind kept wondering about what I answered my teacher: "...if he meant telling God 'sorry', God would forgive him." Was that true, or did I just say that because that was what I had been taught? There was a battle in my head. But in the same head where the battle raged, I have also made decisions which translated into actions that didn't exactly please God. I too have committed and commit mistakes (sin) before God.
The process of comprehension and acceptance often leads to another painful truth. We are who we are both because of what life has thrown our way; and are by the various decisions we made. But more important than those two is, we are who are because of God's grace. That's the potentially positive effect of heartbreak. By the grace of God we can accept heartbreak as a window into our soul, and as the opportunity to expand our life possibilities - the chance to engage different challenges in a different manner than before.
And as I grew older I realized how weak and vulnerable everyone is. There is no SuperChristian and that everyone is susceptible to the schemes and attacks of the enemy. That's where you and I come in for each other-- we come into each other's lives and help try to follow Christ, bear one another's burdens and praying for each other as we fulfill the law of Christ which is love. Now that I am a pastor I have become more aware of the impossible side of living the Christian life. As a pastor, against whom the enemy is working double time, I have no other way but accept my weaknesses so that I may claim Christ's strength as I seek and ask everyone to pray on my behalf as I do on behalf of others.
1Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. 2Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. - Galatians 6
Where are you broken? Where are you feeling defeated or faint or weary or afraid? Friends, today an invitation is being extended - an invitation to let Jesus heal you. Today you are invited to let Jesus silence your demons, heal your wounded-ness, and give you back a life that is broken and yet whole. That is the promise, and although it will look different for each one of us, the promise is the same. Will you trust that? Will you be strong and vulnerable enough to open yourself to the possibility of being made whole?
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